Gaze

In the last few years, my wife and son have been diagnosed with serious illnesses. The series of diagnosis that required long term treatments without the certainty of recovery and the following depression have devastated my mind. And not long after, the pandemic overwhelmed the world and everything stopped in isolation. During the lockdown the only thing that my family could do outside was quietly walking in the parks in the neighborhood and whenever I sat down to relax, I just kept staring at the different types of plants in the parks with empty eyes or entangled thoughts. I am not sure why the plants, probably I desperately needed something to soothe myself or the only thing that looked "alive" were the plants.

After repeating the simple yet nervously confined patterns of life almost for a year, one day I tried to recall those days and realized that all the emotions that I had during the times seemed to be connected to certain images, to be more precise, the afterimages of certain colors and patterns that might have been formed from the plants. Since then I started reconstructing the images by capturing the plants and layering each image on top of another to visualize the slow accumulation of the void or intense emotion of each moment, which is hard to describe in words but probably possible with images.